I subbed for two beginners' Latin classes last Friday at my old High School. The students' ages ranged from 13-17. Being 24, some of my friends and old colleagues have expressed concern that I might not be able to maintain control over kids so close to my own age. Fortunately, I went to a geek-school, so the students were all civil and did not resemble the drooling, snarling masses that most people picture. There were your stock Kiss-ups, your I-don't-give-a-damn Smirkers, your Extremely Bright But Emotionally Stunted Ones, your Outgoing Social Butterflies, and your Fillers whom you forget once they leave the classroom. The surprising thing about being back in High School, albeit in the role of a teacher, is how easy it seems compared to when I was there as a student. I could smell the fear in the halls, and I could point out the pitifully nervous ones as well as the confidently insecure ones. Basically, High School is one big ball of insecurity. I am thankful that I realize that now, and can say that I am finally beyond it.
I am also thankful for my puppy, Hektor.
I am NOT, however, thankful for pee and poo all day long. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the immense amounts of excrement, and the impossibly frequent appearance of it, it will not be enough. I have been dreaming about Hektor for years now, and have read most of what is online and in bookstores about French Bulldogs. My boyfriend, with whom I live, is my partner in this undertaking and successfully splits my responsibilities in half. Still, in retrospect of this past week, I think that we were ill-prepared in regards to our expectations. There was no way we could have been warned of our quads getting sore from all the squatting and mopping. There was no way we could have been warned of the constant worry about this little being's health and safety. There is no good way to warn anyone of the exact meaning of "constant vigilance". We understand that it is a great responsibility to take the life of an animal into our hands, but the palpable reality of it is something unimaginable.Currently, we are still trying to house train Hektor. He is still frequently relieving himself on our floor, but there are good days mixed in with the ones where we are seemingly never free of the mop and bucket. He was also diagnosed with Giardia, so he's on a 5-day dose of Panacur. We are hoping that this intestinal parasite is the main contributor to his AWFUL gas. It is room-clearing gas. There is something so amusing about a 10-pound thing producing such gargantuan stink. Wow. Suffice to say, we have a box of large kitchen matches lying around in the open all the time.
I have left work two and a half weeks now, but it has felt like months. I can't be idle and unproductive for long, so it's only a matter of time before I either find something lucrative to fill my days or learn another craft (the first craft I learned during my last bout of free time was knitting). I've been bent on leading a more bohemian life after my Institutional Equities job. A person can only be materialistic for so long, and my limit is 20 months. It was absolutely lovely to acquire all those nice things that a contemporary, American girl desires: bags, shoes, jewelry, dinners, trips. It was super to waltz into the trendiest venues of one of the greatest cities on earth, and be able to afford them. It was more than I had hoped for to have enough money to take care of all the tedious fees of life: rent, loans, utilities bills. But the enjoyment of all that has a limit, and I reached it when I finally accepted that I am wasting my days doing something I do not like. Life, youth, is more than paying fees and loans. I am aching with the energy to do something that is part of the uncharted region of life. No more "two years until your next promotion and raise, ten years minimum until a directorship," etc. I need to be my own boss, because this life is my own, and I am not okay with someone else calling the shots anymore. Life is so much more glorious than that.
Anyway, I'm sleepy and rambling. Until next time, I will have seen at least 15 puddles of pee.
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