"Why Is It That You Broads Want All Or Nothing?"

Erica Barry: Ever been married, Harry?

Harry Sanborn: No. No, I haven't.

Erica: Wow. Now, why do you think that is?

Harry: Well, some people just don't fit the mold, and so far, you know...

Erica: Hey, if it ain't broke...

Harry: Exactly.

I'm turning 25 this year. I've been in a relationship with the same person for four years now, and the indelicate questions from families and friends have started to arrive. "So...when are you guys gonna get married?" "Hey, wow, four years. About time to get the show on the road, huh?" "You think you guys are going to be engaged soon?" Similar questions plague my friends who are in similar situations, but the difference between us is that they actually want to be married, to go through the whole ritual rigamarole, to endure the preceding hubbub and the subsequent tedium of thanking people, etc. For the most part, my friends have a tentative timeline for this whole process. For myself, I have no problem with the status quo, and hey, if it ain't broke...

The problem I'm anticipating is the reactions from all the nosy, but well-meaning, people who ask me about my non-existent marriage plans. I'm 24 and get the understanding nods when I tell people that I want to wait. They think that I'm wise and not impetuous. This situation will be drastically different when I'm in my late 20s and my relationship is close to a decade old ::knocking on wood::. People just can't seem to wrap their minds around a functional couple who do not want to be married. It is part of the natural progression, they argue. It makes it official, they say. Well, I don't know what they think I've been doing with this dude, but everything so far has felt damn official and in a progressing manner to me. We met, we liked each other, we started dating, and eventually we moved in together. We now share a life, a dog, some of the same dreams, most of the same hopes, and our days are wonderful.

I had a guy recently lecture me on the marriage subject. He told me to cut it and leave if I don't want to be married to a guy I've been dating for four years, because according to him, "What's the point?"

The point, ah, actually comes in the form of a fork. One prong of it is that marriage is not the end-all-be-all of relationships. Particularly nowadays, the idea of marriage, for many women in my generation, is wrapped around the concept of the wedding. Coming from a relatively privileged background, my friends think about couture wedding gowns, a classy and understatedly fancy venue, dressing the entourage, and honeymoons at international destinations. I don't think my mother even had a wedding dress, and I know she definitely did not get an engagement ring. My boyfriend's mother made her own wedding dress. The day of the wedding is anticlimatic, because from what I can see at weddings I've attended, the bride and groom are usually worrying about logistics or how other people are enjoying themselves; they seem to have fun, but in a removed sort of way, and they are definitely not having as much fun as some other people at their wedding.

The second prong is that his argument places the highest worth on the actual sealing of the deal, but not the deal itself. It is a bigger deal to me that two people are in a healthy, functional relationship, than two people who are married, but not happy. To think that being with someone for four years and not constantly have marriage on the brain, or have marriage be an end, is pointless is incredibly shortsighted, and these are the numbnuts who are creating the glowing statistic of a 50% divorce rate.

The third prong is that life is a journey via many different routes. Who is to say that convention is key? If we all live to be happy, and happiness for some is to carry on a loving relationship with someone, with or without legal sanction, why make it a point to have to be married? I'd like to think that a relationship expires in its tenth year, so when I'm 30, I hope to be on my second partner, who I also don't want to marry. By the time I'm 60, I'll be on partner number 5, and in my estimation, I will have lived quite a broad and fulfilling life.

This is not to say that people who are married now, or people who wish to be married, are narrowminded halfwits who should expend their energies on something more worthy. I have been moved to tears at more than one wedding, because the two people pledging their love and lives to each other were so RIGHT for one another. I couldn't place my finger on why else I was blubbering like an idiot, all runny-nosed and puffy-eyed, if the situations hadn't been so...inevitably right. So, if it's right for you, get married! Have a ball! But know that it might not be right for others, so stop asking inane, nosy questions just to satisfy your petty curiosity. That's what dlisted.com and other gossip blogs are for.